Home(ostasis)coming - A celebration of existence!

I haven’t celebrated a Homecoming or have even thought about one since high school, but here it’s coming up 20+ years later for me in a new way.  I moved across town last month, which has really jazzed up my energy levels, eating and sleeping patterns in a way I need to recalibrate.  Being one that is super particular about the aesthetics and setup of my living environments, it’s been a challenge for me to let go a bit as I let time tell how things are best organized in my new space.  My practice has been finding ease settling into my new home as I also come home within myself to find greater homeostasis.  The Marriam-Webster Dictionary defines homeostasis as:

“a relatively stable state of equilibrium or a tendency toward such a state between the different but interdependent elements or groups of elements of an organism, population, or group”

Then….

Homecoming is a celebration of existence within an organization, usually a school or university. 

So…

What if we took time in our lives for Homeostasiscoming?!?  In this time the organization we celebrate is ourselves (Homecoming) and the things we do to celebrate our actions that lead us to more stability and equilibrium (Homeostasis).  While this can, and perhaps, should be a daily celebration, late summer/early fall is a great time to at least do it annually.  During this time, we are coming off summer festivities and could benefit greatly from this realignment practice.

What actions can we take to celebrate this Homeostasiscoming?  Let’s ask ourselves these questions:

·      What does coming “home” mean to you?  Use adjectives.

·      How do you “celebrate” in a way that expresses the adjectives above?

·      What daily or weekly habits are supporting this “celebration” and which are drawing you further from “home”?

This celebration should give us a feeling of deep harmony and not be confused with the other ways that “celebrating” in the common sense can lead us out of harmony...   Think ease.  Think comfort.  Think peace.  Let’s Celebrate in ways that nourish us into that greater state of equilibrium.  Let’s get clear on what will do that for us.

The clarity and peace we will experience by making this a daily, weekly, monthly, or at least annual celebration will realign us with what is most authentic.  It will clear the path for the way we want our life to be and the things we want to put into the world.  The more Homeostasiscoming practices, the more celebration, the more fulfilling life is.

Be honest with yourself on what is giving you those things.   To be honest, this is a constant battle with me, as I still often enjoy many things, (coffee, alcohol, sugar) yet I know they always bring me further from Homeostasiscoming.  Though I also don’t beat myself up for it because that would also bring me further from Homeostasiscoming….

My favorite, and somewhat familiar, Homeostasiscoming practice is Savasana (Corps Pose, at the end of a yoga class).  I’ve studied with many awesome Yoga Teachers, so feel bad that I don’t remember who said this during a Savasana, or the exact words (I was apparently celebrating coming home deeply), but it was something to the extent of:

The body and mind are always looking to come to homeostasis if you just get out of their way.

So, similar of letting things go and dying to ourselves as we do in savasana, perhaps we do the same with certain daily life habits that are unsupportive to celebrate deeper Homeostasiscoming.

Calm in Chaos- friction as transformation

I don’t know about you, but in my experience, life has been feeling more chaotic as of late.  It’s like there is a constant world-wide friction showing itself in sickness, violence, fertility choices, the environment, and all the strong opinions on the “right” solutions. Though this friction has always existed, we are now more aware of it than ever because of constant media coverage and “expert” advice being blasted and re-shared on social media outlets.

 Amidst all of this I notice my own opinions on all the things naturally flood my mind and then I feel the anger that arises when I see others preaching an opposite opinion.  There is a lot of pressure to speak our truth, so that makes me think that I should voice my opinion more.  But as a life-long learner I start to question if my opinion has enough life experience and knowledge to back it up.  This causes me an uncomfortable internal chaos.  

I first became aware of internal chaos with my first yoga teacher in 2008.  In his Iyengar based Hatha tradition, we held poses for a long time.  I remember being held in Warrior II many times, my legs shaking, my forehead sweating, my breath and heart racing, my mind cursing my teacher's name…  All the while he kept holding us in the pose, telling us to breathe smoothly, relax our jaws, and a bunch of other stuff I saw as nonsense at the time.  I remember wanting to smack him, even though I’ve never smacked anyone besides my older brother.  But I kept coming back to that class.  It was the after effect of this chaos that kept me coming back.  I felt more in the present moment, my mind was quieter, my body was clearer, and I liked myself more. 

Fast forward to now, having 14 years of dedicated practice under my belt and a new teacher that can communicate this experience better to me, I see that this physical yoga practice helped me find calm in the chaos.  It blows my mind how far I’ve come over the years.  These days I remain calm and steady in a long Warrior II hold, and I can now also translate this experience to the other areas of my practice and life when I feel chaos.

So, bringing it back to what this means for chaos outside of ourselves?  It’s one thing to be able to find the calm from your internal chaos, but what about when the world is out of control?  This is when we can control how we react.  If we feel chaotic inside, we might react in a way that creates more chaos and adds to the problem.  If we focus on calming the chaos within, we will react in a way that doesn’t add to the chaos.  And for me personally, I guess that means that when I’m not choosing to speak up because of my internal chaos, it’s okay.  It’s the right choice for me and the world. 

With all of that said, how do we create more internal calm when all the external chaos is going on?  That is the million-dollar question, that I have lots of answers for, all of which would take many moons to explain and that I haven’t even mastered myself the way I have Warrior II.  I do have one simple thing I’ll share- The “ahhh” breath. 

You can find a quick tutorial here on my Instagram page!

There is always chaos in the world so the ability to create more calm is the best antidote.  The calm starts within.  This is a constant practice that often needs continual retraining, but once you are aware of it, there is no going back.  There will always be ups and downs, but the chaos WILL keep getting calmer for you internally, which will then spread to your external world.

Ending on a higher note, I mentioned the constant world-wide “friction” in the beginning of this.  I wanted to talk about chaos vs. friction.  Chaos disperses and creates incoherent energy.  Friction moves in one place and creates heat.  Heat causes transformation.  Both can be uncomfortable, but the transformation that comes from friction is productive, while the incoherence of chaos isn’t productive.  The world-wide friction we continually experience means we are constantly transforming and evolving.  So, while we continually try to calm the chaos, it means we are bringing a more coherent energy to the friction of the world’s constant transformation, which is super exciting!

If I act externally, I want it to be helpful and if I’m only reacting from my internal state of chaos, it won't be helpful. So, while I don’t do anything for the world to see to help the external events, I can assure you I’m doing tons of internal work. 

To be most helpful, we must stick to what is true for us to embrace the friction of transformation while calming the chaos.  This looks different for all of us, so continue trusting your inner voice, while staying open to other possibilities.  

Missing Momma - 6 Lessons in 6 Months of Grief

As Mother’s Day was approaching this year, I had many people mentioning to me how it will be a hard day for me, since it will be the first one without my Momma.  While I acknowledged the truth in that, part of me felt bad because I had been feeling generally fine about her passing lately.  The initial heavy and awful sadness from the grief had dissipated and I felt guilty about it.  Well, now that Mother’s Day is here, I take all the above back.  It is hard.  Super hard.  The heavy sadness is back. 

I have seen so many beautiful shares on social media of others' grief reflections over the years and though I couldn’t always relate to them, the recollection of them has been very helpful since losing my momma and has inspired me to share the grief lessons I’ve learned so far.

I love double numbers.  6 months ago, my momma was 66 when she passed on and there are 6 big lessons I have learned through mourning her.  I know this grief will be a never-ending journey and I don’t claim to be an expert in grief whatsoever. I am also not trying to compare the loss of my momma to anyone else’s loss, rather I must share the things that I am learning to be true for myself.  As others' authentic and raw shares of their experiences have been helpful to me, I can only hope my lessons can also help uplift others in times of struggle in pain and darkness.

1.     There is no good time or way to lose someone you love. I remember many years ago when someone I knew lost their 98-year-old mother. While this person was in deep grief over their mother, I remember ignorantly wondering to myself, ‘why?’ In my mind this mother had a long life and didn’t suffer in death.  What an ideal way to go, right?  Fast forward to about six months ago, I had the opposite situation as my momma suffered for many years and died too young in the grand scheme of things…  With all that said, I realized in grieving her that even if she lived blissfully until she was 120 years old, I still would have grieved her just as hard as I was now. 

Sometimes people die too young and sometimes they live longer than expected.  Sometimes they die quick and painless and sometimes they suffer for decades.  Sometimes our relationships with the ones we lose are good and sometimes they are complicated. Sometimes we can say goodbye to them before they go and other times we don’t have that opportunity.  Either way it goes, it sucks.  Death is dark for those who are still living and losing someone is so sad and deserves whatever grieving we need to give it, no matter how “ideal” the situation might be.

2.     Ride the waves of emotions and don’t judge what you are feeling.  Such basic advice, but so true.  There have been many points after my momma’s death where I have been humbled by my own strength and ability to maintain myself and do good things in the world.  There have also been many points where I just completely fall apart from something as simple as a song that stirs up a deep memory, or a thought of something I forgot to ask her that I will now never know the answer to. 

At times I am feeling strong and together I wonder if there is something wrong with me for not being sad enough.  In the times I fall apart I often feel that I need to buck up and pull myself together.  I’ve found it best to not judge myself for however I am being and rather ride whatever part of the wave I’m in.  If I thrive in strength, I should enjoy it since it will give me something to hold onto when I’m getting pulled under the next wave of sadness.  This is the eb and flow of life that makes it interesting.

3.     You gotta feel it to heal it.  This is where I might start to sound Yoga-y, but hey- that is me and it’s been working well, so I’m going to keep going with it!

When I feel strong emotions that are starting to take over my well-being, instead of gathering into the mental negativity, I start to get in touch with what I am feeling in my physical body.  Rather than labeling the grief as an unbearable pain, I feel it for what it is, which is usually a tightness in my throat, heaviness in my heart, or sometimes a heat in my abdomen.  When I do this, it takes away the mental stress of completely identifying with the emotion and instead just labels it for what it is.  Doing this has helped me process and release the stagnation or pain of the grief and not get tied up in the mentally negative loop of sadness. 

 4.     Sadness is fine.  In fact, it’s kind of beautiful.  This piggy backs on the feel it to heal it lesson but is more of a mindset switch.  It’s not an easy one though.  It takes a lot of practice.  Sadness used to be one of those negative emotions that I would want to avoid at all costs or at least numb out in some way when experiencing it.  This perception of sadness has changed in the loss of my momma.  I have developed an appreciation for even the most heavy and dense sad feels.

The sadness of grieving my momma is the most beautiful and authentic feeling.  I don’t want to run away from it or numb it.  I want to feel it fully and completely because she deserves that.  She is worth the heartache and tears, and I love that I can dedicate my sadness to her.

5.     Creativity and rituals are helpful.  Have some fun creating things or daily habits that keep you connected to their memory.

I kept some extra old school High School pictures of my momma that she was about to throw away months before her passing and made the wall art below. 

I named my favorite plant from her funeral after her. The plant started to wither away shortly after I replanted it in a new pot. Then I decided to talk to the plant whenever I wanted to talk to my momma. “Denise” the plant is starting to slowly thrive again!

I received some beautiful gifts honoring my momma. I made a little shrine to her in my room with the items.

Whether or not you are spiritual or religious, I have found these little projects and rituals fun and helpful.  They also add beauty to my living environment.

 6.     Reach out.  People want to support you.  I have been humbled by the love and kindness I have received when my momma first passed away.  The attention does lessen over time though.  While the absence of momma has a huge impact on my life, I can’t expect others who aren’t in my family circle to constantly remember that.  Not unless they know, and that requires me to reach out when I need support.

I have personally found when I’m in a rough patch or just need to get something off my chest, people want to lend a helping hand in any way.  And with this said, I want people to feel comfortable reaching out to me if they are going through something hard.

Others will be uplifted by helping lift you and you will feel uplifting by lifting others.  No matter how lonely and isolated grief or sadness can feel at times, reach out!

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  Simply organizing these lessons I have learned the past six months have had a profound healing effect on my soul as I will continue to honor my beautiful momma in any way I can. 

Happy Mother’s Day.

YogaHealer Blogging

I’m currently blogging for my teacher’s company, Yoga Healer. You can find more of my current writing HERE.

:)Angela

Strive To Be the Kind of Person You Want to Hang Out With

The other night in conversation, I told my boyfriend that if I wasn’t me, that I would hope to hang out with someone just like me. Given my history of negative self-talk and toxic thought patterns (that I am still working very hard on), this statement I made surprised me. Yet, I still felt it to be so true. So, I started thinking about why I would like to hang out with myself. The first and main thing that came to mind was that I am freaking hilarious. Even if I’m the only one who thinks that (Though I’m not. One other person confirmed that I’m hilarious, and he is an absolute gem), I will always keep myself thoroughly entertained, and that’s all that matters. Right?

This realization of wanting to hang out with myself, made my thoughts shift to the subject of habit evolution, naturally…

What if I committed to be the type of person I want to hang out with?

What are their personality traits?

How do they make me feel?

What energy do they give off?

What habits do they have to incorporate into their everyday life in order to maintain that awesomeness?

Seriously. Stop and take a moment to answer those questions for yourself….

Now I doubt anyone answered something like: “They are super meek and make me feel superior to them. They give off a sad and dull energy. This is probably because they eat entire pie every day.” If you did answer that way, maybe move on to another article, as you won’t get what you are looking for here.

My guess is that most of you, like me, want to be around someone who is lively, energetic, joyous, etc. Someone who makes you feel inspired and cheerful. Their energy is radiant! Maybe your words were different, but you get the idea….

Now, look at the things they do every day to maintain their awesomeness? If it’s something like, “They smoke a pack of cigs every day and party like it’s 1999.”, go back to the drawing board. You are not being truthful to yourself. If it’s something like, “They get enough rest and feed their body lots of green plants.”, you are honoring your truth.

Continue building onto this list of habits that encourage your ideal buddy’s awesome traits. What do they like to do for fun? Are they introverted, extroverted, or a little bit of both? How do they react to life when things get intense? The more specific you can get, the better! Once you are able to deeply connect with the specific details of who you want to hang out with, you can analyze how to apply these things to your own life and become your own best friend.

Be discriminating to what arises out in this analyzation. Be in search for the truth. For instance, when I analyze what makes me so “freaking hilarious”, I could go into, “When I indulge in alcohol, I’m more relaxed, and funny things just come out of my mouth.” However, when I look deeper for the truth, I realize that my alcohol induced, “funny” states are really followed by me wondering the next morning exactly what I said, what conversations were had, and/or if I offended anyone. The deepest truth is that when I am well rested and fed, then I have a clear head to access my naturally comical nature, and it simply flows out of me. I want to hang out with that “freaking hilarious” me. Not the confused and remorsefully “funny” me.

Now that you have your list of the kind of person you want to hang out with, mark the things that they do every day that you can also do, and start applying those things to your own life tomorrow. Once you integrate those things, go back to the list, and start integrating the other things. Keep doing the things and add new things as necessary. Piece of cake!

The timing of this writing this is unplanned, but interesting. We are in the thick of COVID-19 and quarantining. With many of us being isolated, it is now more than ever so important to learn how to hang out with ourselves. I am so grateful that I can literally crack myself up alone in my apartment with my old cat, and I send you all the positive hope for connecting to the unique awesomeness within yourself that you love to be around.

My favorite FREE quarantine indulgence.

COVID-19 has left me out of work and collecting unemployment (something I never thought I would EVER do), like many others. I have no little ones to care for (aside from a senior cat) and no husband that needs me. I have friends and family that are still working (some even more than normal), while homeschooling, while taking care of a family, yada yada yada… I just wanted to acknowledge that I realize my experience is similar to some and much different than many others.

With that said, I’m making the most of this forced slow down and enjoying it (aside from the sickness, death, and lack of income, of course).  I have gratitude for the time it has allowed me to deeply balance and recalibrate.  No point in adding fear and stress to the global worry and panic, they say…  Might as well make the most of it, right!?!

I’ve been making the most of this time by indulging in a free nightly ritual.  My number one indulgence this quarantine is mastering the most perfect sleep schedule. That’s it. Sleep regularly and sleep well.  I’ve been preaching consistent and thorough sleep for years, but with work schedules, life stresses, and social obligations, it hasn’t always been attainable.

Now, without work shifts that go until 8pm, and 6am Yoga classes to teach, there is really no excuse not to get my perfect eight hours at the same time each night. It’s important to my mental and physical health to rise and fall with the sun, so all I have to do is make sure I eat my dinner by 6pm every night. With dinner done by then, I can enjoy three hours of any other activity before I naturally start to get tired by 9pm. These wind down activities typically include a sunset walk, light reading, or an Epsom salt bath. It’s the most exciting and luxurious thing for me to have time to do this and actually honor when I’m tired and go to bed, without worrying about “real life” stuff that I normally would be rushing to get done in the small amount of time after work. 

So that’s it.  I sleep at the same time every night from about 9:30pm-5:30am and it’s an absolute luxury that I will enjoy and indulge in while I have this opportunity. This consistent sleep has allowed more energy that I hope to keep integrated moving forward after quarantine.  Perhaps I won’t have time for a walk or bath when I get home after 8pm, but maybe the light reading and/or a foot massage with grounding essential oils.  I really think the key will be setting up the wind down activity in advance, so I can just lovingly jump into it right when I get home exhausted after work.

Until then, I will continue to be super grateful I have this time to really hone-in and experience what this perfect sleep schedule does for me.

What are your indulgences or rituals that are keeping you sane through this time?

A side note:  My Wisconsin peeps will probably assume there is an alcoholic beverage hidden in the above wind down routine.  There usually isn’t, as tempting as it sometimes is…  The nights when there is a drink involved, my consistent sleep is disrupted by deep thirst waking me at 2am, which takes away the luxuriousness of it all.  In this case not indulging feels most indulgent:)